Zugspitze
Back in the year 2019 I found myself living and working in Berlin for a large fintech organisation writing software to process payments on behalf of our customers. It was perhaps the worst job of my career to date. As well-intentioned as my colleagues were, there were serious problems within the organisation born from the fact that teams were siloed and did not communicate effectively. Conway’s law states that organisations which design systems are constrained to produce designs which are copies of the communication structures of these organisations. This was especially true of that organisation. After a year and a half of fighting an uphill battle to change the organisation from within, I decided to leave.
In September of that year during a career break I decided to travel to southern Germany to visit the town of Garmisch-Partenkirchen to fight an uphill battle that I knew I could win. Garmisch-Partenkirchen is an alpine town that hosts a variety of outdoor activities all year round including climbing, hiking and skiing. To the south of the town lies Germany’s tallest mountain, Zugspitze, and I had it lined up in my sights. I started researching the various routes to the summit and found one that included hiking, a short walk along a glacier and finished with a via ferrata. It was exactly the kind of adventure I needed to re-connect with what’s important to me in life, after leaving my fintech role behind for good.
I’m 5’8” and during that September I weighed around 128lbs. I was at my physical peak and ready to take on Germany’s tallest mountain. In the end, the ascent through Höllental valley to the summit of Zugspitze would take me about ten hours total, a fairly respectable time for somebody unfamiliar with the area. Once I reached the summit, I enjoyed some waffles, a cup of coffee, and sat admiring the view. No thoughts of work. Just me, a quiet confidence, and the breathtaking nature all around me. In that moment I knew I was going to be okay. I returned to Berlin happier than when I set out. But I wasn’t aware of what was to come next.
COVID-19 happened and changed the nature of working in the tech industry forever. After years and years of engineers wishing for their manager’s permission to work from home, companies were being forced by the state to close their offices, and to mandate a work from home policy. It would have been better if it happened under different circumstances, but we got what we wanted! Well, it turns out that we should have been careful what we wished for. Working from home seems inocuous at first, but over time it can lead to the development of some bad habits: namely poor hygiene, unhealthy diet and lack of exercise. Not only that, but the isolation can impact your social skills and mental health. I know this from experience.
Before I returned to the United Kingdom, I spent around three months at a psychiatric hospital in Berlin where I underwent treatment for a psychotic episode, that I believe was caused by a combination of social isolation, problems at home, and the difficulty of learning the German language. My life took a turn for the worse and from then onwards I smoked tobacco, didn’t look after my personal hygiene, ate poorly and stopped exercising.
Six years later, I weigh 206lbs, and have lost all of the ambition that I had when I was younger. I climbed, I hiked, I did yoga. I enjoyed anything that involved moving my body. I loved travelling to different places to collect experiences that I could look back on later in life. Now my typical routine is to get out of bed, work, and then chill on the sofa, then go to sleep. Rinse and repeat. I eat crap food. I smoke. I don’t do the housework until it’s absolutely necessary. I don’t understand why because I have more free time than I’ve ever had before as I work from home now. I can only ascribe it to the growing feeling of comfort that arises out of working from home long-term, and the resulting laziness that manifests. “Der innere Schweinehund”, as the Germans would say. The force that keeps you from achieving your goals.
The reason I’m writing this blog post is because I’m fed up. I’ve had enough of working from home five days a week and feeling isolated. I’ve had enough of shit food and takeaways. I’ve had enough of not taking care of my health. I’ve hit my rock bottom. This isn’t how I wanted my life to turn out. Something must be done. I need to get my mojo back, so that I can once again take pleasure from the activities that helped shape me into who I am today: climbing Zugspitze being one of them.
